Classic 105 FM leaked SMS's to Maina and King'ang'i

Next time you send a text to an FM Station
know that they log your number and
conversation. Be warned. Do you know the
numbers below?

 
Topic today was partying without
panties.
Why do ladies go nuts whenever they see
celebs?

254737933906
Classic fm. Maina its not our fault u guys drive us
craizie na if u mix wid manyege wat cant we do?
Luv u guys
254721969828
Fally Ipupa ni msupuu. I didn't remove my pant
but had an orgasm by imagining him in me.............
I didn't misbehave that much.
254721861010
Mornng maina & mwalimu, i was @ mike murimi
mugithi wth bibi wa bro wangu. nilimwona akijitia
kidole halafu akalamba na akaonyesha murimi! All
the ladies were doing it. Karibu nikufe na heart
atak.
254723055493
Maina! Wanawake wana wazimu, mwingine
alirushia husband yangu panti yake kwa uso
tukiwa lunch wimpy! Na huzzo akaiweka kwa
mfuko. Nilifeel mbaya.
254722777034
Maina, I hiked a lady neighbor-senior admin UNEP.
Frm the blues she told me "am in red thongs",
unziped n asked me if i could run my fingers
A few from the archives......
254720428104
Hi maina.i couldnt contribute on y'days topic coz i
was wth my hubby who soils & urinates on hmself
mpaka ndani ya viatu akilewa.pls ask such men wat
goes on in thea minds b4 & afta such deeds.wats
thea xcuse?do they gve a damn abt th family
feelings?pls i need 2kno.Dont call me now.he is
asleep. Ameingia kwa keja 5am. LENA
254714924039
maina, mine is terrible-he has nothin, haja soma-
yani my peroz and family dont penda him-I wish I
"road tested" him first coz after kumuoa, I found
out ako na kitu kama ya mtoi. am sexually starved-
pals tell me to get shag buddy, dildo, av thought of
goin gay yani the options are still comin-i am
absolutely single and willing to mingle though
married-love you guys
254722170198
Hi, maina cal me if u find time. I walked into my
house only to find my husband having sex with his
younger sister. Akaniuliza 'havent you heard of
privacey'. I'm confused. Gday
254725616895
Maina,my boyfrnd who is maried wants 2 funguwa
my boot na hajawahi funguwa ya bibi yake.pls help
mi cz istl lov him.mary 4rm kisii.
254726656190
Mina its just naturall a woman can make love with
more than 3 men in one day so long as u know
how to take a shower well no man will ever know.
Me I must get it from our tea boy at work juu ni
msupuu, a mechanic who operates in the plot next
to jobo and a neighbors son when he's on
holiday. Na bado mzee wangu kant notice.
254725555409
Hi maina, am screwed daily b4 i get home, i get 2
the house take a bath and if my man wants i'll give
it 2 him ave aborted 2wice nd he's nvr known.
From Milli
254718782326
Classic H! MaUna n mwalim am munaa frm mbs n
am in luv with my father in law n am 26 yrs his
57yrs n i luv him more than my hasband. We've
been sleeping with him tangu my first yr in
marriage. Ako na kitu kubwa!
254712405656
Classic 105, Hi maina, mine was worse coz my
mum's boyfriend alifanya juu chini tulale pamoja,
and he succeeded kumbe he turned out to be HIV
positive. Nimeregret sana.
254720474236
050003E70301Hi Maina,i was married, I cookd
4him variety of food,respectd him,na palepale,i
was da driver.He askd m 4 a3rd party,n brought
her as he wishes.He statd beating m up,akaninyima
my right place of sex coz he wntd ma Ass !Men cnt
b satisfied wit 1woman
254726837722
0500034A0201Ma husband's libido is veri
low.Marrd 3yrs now and have neva seen his goods
only by accdent. Now its 3mnths snc we had sex.
We have bcam a Bro an a sis. Am suffering sexualy
wat do i do.But am hapi in al other areas
254733251855
Maina todays discussion has to be longer,we are
miserable women..we end up having affairs with
relatives...help us. Like now am sleeping with my
first cousin...wambui
254729787848
Hi Maina. Been in a rut too .Married 4 the last 24
yrs to this ng'ombe. Love was alive for only the first
year then we became hse mates. It's too bad
mpaka he can't rise to the occasion for me. And
he's also tiny. So imagine a small thing that can't
wake up. Pathetic!
254722786970
0500032B0202 this lady has being using my
husbands 4ne when they r 2gether in bed telng mi
2listen hw sweet my husband is en then she
screams. God wht im i sapposed 2do.
254721691952
Nothing wrong with a woman who can control her
drinking like me. My hubby is a drunk who cant
control his drinking. Alikuja sato morning high
akakojoa ndani ya wardrobe badala ya choo yet he
keeps saying am the drunk! Karo
254716671031
Dnt be stupid Maina...I have a woman who drinks
n she is generally n extremely dirty, first her
genitals! Beer aint good 4 women... am tired of
being woken up at 3am four times a week
kumfungulia. Last week I refused to open and
found her in the watchman's kibanda in the
morning on my way to work. I've kept wondering if
she gave him.
254722609997
Maina morning am a drinker n trust me i hv never
ceased to be a gud mother to my 3 kids n wife to
ma hubbi. The fact that naweza maliza 2 bottles of
viceroy in one night doesn't make me a bad
mother! Jana nilikunywa 3 quarters juu kulikuwa
Sunday.
254722483913
So maina what if she drinks and doesnt come
home and doesnt want to be asked where she is?
Mine went out on Friday jioni and akarudi jana
morning. Nikamuuliza ikakuwa vita. We have 3 yr
old twins. Naogopa ukali wake.
254715786001
Hi Maina,salimia King'ang'i. Maina,wachana na hao
wanasema ati bibi asilewe. My wife drinks,I don't.
Na mimi humpeleka kwa bar namwacha huko
akitosheka ananipigia ama analetwa na rafikfi zake.
Only one day I was worried. Alinipigia akiwa florida
5am and her friends walikuwa wamemwacha.
Apart from that day, I see no issues with her enjoy
a drink.
254722162484
Hi Maina, am irene 24 yrs. I was involved with a
catholic priest . He took me from my rural home
and rented a hse 4 me . akaleta brother yake
akanilazimisha nilale nayeye. Sikujua alikuwa
anapenda porno pia. When I refused kuwatch
nayeye akanifukuza. Plz help me kol him juu
hachukui simu zangu. His fone no. 0721 895762 or
0735854143(Fr.Joseph
254725939592
Maina, his weight bothers me coz it affects
palepale imagine ana choka haraka sana and he
drips streams of sweat!na style zingine hawezi!
Every time we do it, am worried atakufa juu yangu
na vile ni mzito! mariam
254703974613
Av bn married 4one yr.Hez gaining weight n maina
u knw the kitambi bng a pivot on me that puts me
off! Namuona akiwa naked sometimes nakimbia
kwa choo nitapike! n the longest he cn go is
4mins!he rols over n snores.nkt! I normally just sit
and stare at his kathing vile kamekunjika naskia
huzuni.
254721230670
Yes! I hate my husband of 23 years he eats like a
big pig! Kitambi kama ya ngombe! Yeye huleta
food kutoka fridge ili akule kwa bedroom usiku. Na
bonoko ni kama yesu. Bado nangoja irudi.
254750383848
Morning Maina? Can you imagine comìng home
5pm and ur wife in nities with a stocking on, matiti
hunging kama socks, the hse is dirty and the bed
is not even made. Why not stay away get drunk
and come at 3am and find this monster asleep.
Ubaya nakuja nimelewa and see her thing juu
amelala fuaa and she doesn't shave. She makes me
sick!
254721331466
Hey Maina and Kingangi,i use to treat my huby like
a king,gave him all the fredom and happiness in
the world but u know how he repayed,he left me
and now he's living with an old woman whom you
Maina know.He left me with a kid of 11/2yrs.
254727113432
Maina, my man is always at home early. What is the
formula for sending him away? Every time I pass
him, he wants sex. It's too much! Take him with
you to your bar. I'll even pay you.
And on today's topic on doing it with in-laws, here
are some texts....
254716191962
Me i do it every 9te 4 de last 3month wid my bro-
in-law iam 18 i dont like it coz ihv ma boyfriend in
coast n ihv never sexed wid him I dont know wat
2do ATÂ
\
254722489878
Maina my real mother has been molesting me.
Niliamka nikamukuta akininyonya. Who can I report
to? Steve
254724370542
MAINA NOT OUR DAD ALOME. AV BIN HAVING
AFFAIR WITH MA ELDER BRO NA TUMEZAA A BABY
BOY. TOO MUCH ATTACHED N NONE OF US IS
MARIED.HE REALY SATIFIES ME SEXUALLY
254723147780
Hey Maina pliz help me cos i found out that am
datng my half bro. na ninaexpect! help. Brenda
And a karandom one...
254733573281 My wife is so dull, every time I try
some positions all I get is "Baba nani, usiniharibu
huko nyuma!" na dada yake ananicheki.

ON A LIGHTER NOTE

The tragedies of the week

The past week will probably go down in history as the worst week in Kenya, with so many tragedies hitting the country. For starters, there was the Sinai fire, closely followed by those who were killed by partaking of some chemicals in the name of brews, followed by a roda accident at the coast, followed by a building collapsing someplace in western Kenya, as well as a number of people commiting suicide in Murang'a. Maybe there are more that did not catch the attention of the media. My condolences to all Kenyans who have been affected by the said tragedies. May the dead obtain mercy at the mercy seat, but that is for God to decide.

Related to the fire tragedy, Keenyans remain the only people who, when they see a fire, run towards it as opposed to running away. And in doing so, we continue to endanger our lives. Many have written about this, but as usual, we do not read, so we do not know.

Again, regardless of how many people die as a result of consuming some brews, we continue taking as though nothing really happened. We wish it away, using words such as 'it was their day.'

When we are told to move away from dangerous places for our own safety, we retort by asking, 'where to?' We simply dont care about our own lives.

When we board a bus or a matatu, we keep harassing drivers who do not drive as fast as we want. Or if the driver drives recklessly, we choose to keep silent. We endanger our own lives.

When a contractor starts putting up a building, we start paying rent for it, even when it is still on the foundation. Then we keep pestering them as we want to know when it will be ready for occupation. Then when calamities as the ones listed above occur, we shed crocodile tears. 

Matters marriage

Another interesting thing taking place this week is the workshop for the married and singles by pastor Chris at the Nyayo stadium. Single ledie, mostly, will be trooping to the Nyayo stadium after their sunday service to get that elusive miracle they have been chasing for quite some time now. Those experiencing problems in their marriages will be there seeking devine intervention, while those who have been waiting for that Mr. Right will also be there, hoping to get their miracle afterwards. But then, is it true that there is a shortage of men, or they are just avoiding marriage for other reasons?

For starters, I wish to state that there is no shortage of meen in Kenya, but there is a shortage of wives. As I stated elsewhere before, our sisters have intentionally refused to fall into the plan of God concerning marriage. God was very clear at the beginning. If at all his wish was that men and women be equal, he could have simply taken clay as there was plenty of it, and created a woman. But he saw it in his wisdom that he could only use a rib from the man he had created in order to make him a helper. The word 'helper' was coined by God himself.

Since our sisters got so dissatisfied with their position as helpers, and decided to take over the roles of men in their lives, the perfect order that was in place then was destroyed. That is why many marriages today are experiencing the pro blems that they are experiencing. We might  have thousands of pastors coming to pray for marriages, but unless we go back to what God himself put in place in the beginning, I am afraid things will not work.

Many people these days have got into the habit of only reading the parts of the Bible which are favourable to them. That, in my view, is the reason why every sunday, the majority of church attenders are ladies, the majority of bible readers are ladies, but when it comes to walking the talk, they fail miserably.

I know I might be called a male cheuvinist, but ladies, I think you will only get someone to marry, and live with you peacefully and in a union intended by God if and only if, regardless of your level of education, financial status or social status, you will humble yourself and submit to your husband, who will love you in return. But then, as usual, very many will read this but will not follow. That is why next year, when pastor Chris comes around again, there will be even more seeking his prayers.

We take the positions of our husbands, and they stand aside surprised, some wondering what to do. They when the marriage does not work, we readily blame the devil.

I pen off as I await bashing from the ladies and men who have abdicated their position to women. God bless you all this Sunday.

Ujirani mwema

Utadu nini kama unaishi karibe na jirani yuko beautiful kama mimi? Na kila siku anagombanishwa ama kupigwa na bwana yake?

Mambo ingine inasinda mimi kabisaa. Huyu jamaa ana kidosho mzuri hivi na amesindwa kumaintain. Sasa mimi inabidi nianze kumhurumia kwa sababu ... heee! Si unajua tu?

Sasa mimi nasema asinilaumu ikiwa mambo itaenda vile wewe unafikiria. Na ninajua tu vile unafikiria ndivyo mimi ninafikiria.  Imagine juzi ilibidi tuanze kusalimiana na huyu dame. Na sio kwa ubaya.  Ni vile anakuwa mistreated mpaka anakaa akiwa sad kila wakati. Sasa kama ni wewe utafanyaje? Na vile ana smile muzuri!

Mimi naona nikinyorosha yeye hivi karibuni. Leo imekuwa introduction tu. Nitakukeep updated vile mambo itaendelea.

TRAVELLING IN A MA3

If you have not been keen, or you are one of those who drive to work bored, with your partner next to you, these are some of the things you miss. You need to travel in a matatu sometimes. By the time you arrive your office, I assure you hutakuwa na stress. Hebu read this!


Msupuu:..Tao ngapi?
Makanga:..Tao 80
Msupuu:..Kwani tao kuna?!
Makanga:..Malaya kama wewe wanamkutano
Msupuu:..Mamako ameshafika?

Me:..*DEAD

A tout asks for fare from a passenger who had already paid.
Tout : Weee si ulete pesa yako??
Passenger : Si nilishalipa! ama tunalipa per minute!!

At the bus stop, a personal car hits a mat while reversing .
Dere wa personal; Pole sikuwa naona.
Dere wa mat ; Fala wewe! kwani hiyo side mirror ni ya kunyoa ndevu?!?

A lady takes a mat and is in a hurry. The driver of the matatu is taking his sweet time.
Lady ; Dere tuko na haraka tafadhali
Dere ; Haya shuka ukimbie, tutakupata mbele.

Mat imejaa so mteja anashow konda ati hakuna kiti…
Kange; Kwani hzo zimekaliwa ni vitanda.??
Kange : dere wacha speedi beba wadhii.
Dere : Si naona ndae imejaa.
Kange : Kuna space.
Dere. : .wapi ?..Ama utawaweka kwa mdomo?
Kange after 4 mins ,finally having digested what his been told)………Ujanishow poa!

THE COST OF HOUSE RENT

Ni mwisho wa mwezi na Chiku anadaiwa kodi ya chumba chake Kimara. Chiku hana hela kwa vile amenunua khanga peya tano na viatu. Baba mwenye nyumba anabisha hodi. Mke wake amekwenda kwenye kilio na watoto Kibaha. Wapangaji wengine wako makazini.

BABA MWENYE NYUMBA -Chiku, naomba hela ya kodi!
CHIKU- Mzee, nipe siku mbili zaidi nitakupatia.
BABA MWENYE NYUMBA- We Chiku, nimekuvumulia vya kutosha, kila mwezi unachelewa kunipa hela ya kodi.
CHIKU- Nisamehe Mzee, nitajirekebisha
BABA MWENYE NYUMBA-(Anakuwa Mkali)Lazima ujirekebishe, la sivyo itabidi uhame!
CHIKU -Mzee nikupe Konyagi kidogo na coca.
BABA MWENYE NYUMBA - Asante.Mzee anatulia kwa soffa maana ni mlevi. Kwa kweli nina kiu. Mbona una hela ya kununua Konyagi lakini huna hela ya kodi?

Chiku hasemi kitu anamchekea Mzee na kuremebua macho. Mzee amekaa kwenye kiti. Mzee anachukua glesi, anakunywa. Chiku anafungua redio. Anakaa kitandani kwake. Kavaa khanga moja tu.
CHIKU -Mzee njoo basi tuongee kidogo.
BABA MWENYE NYUMBA-Mimi najua mchezo wako, hata!
CHIKU -(anacheka)Ah, Mzee nini, mimi sitaki kitu nataka tuongee tu.
BABA MWENYE NYUMBA-Nilishasema sitaki.
CHIKU-Mzee wasiwasi wako nini?
CHIKU -Twende kitandani basi tuongee.Mzee anaanza kulainika.
BABA MWENYE NYUMBA-Chiku, sitaki lakini.
CHIKU- Njoo, usiwe na wasiwasi.Mzee anakaa kitandani.
CHIKU-Naona enzi zako, ulikuwa na chaguo lako la wasichana, au siyo….Chiku anamlaza Mzee kitandani. Anafungua zipu ya suruali yake.
CHIKU-Yaani, Mzee kweli hunipendi?
BABA MWENYE NYUMBA-Sijasema sikupendi.

Chiku anautoa uboo wa mzee anaipapasa, haisimami kwa urahisi. Chiku anaulamba na unasimama.
BABA MWENYE NYUMBA - Yaani Chiku kwa kweli sijasimamisha hara hivyo muda mrefu. Nipe basi.

Chiku anakubali ombi la mzee, anapanua miguu na Mzee anamtia. Mzee anaguna guna kwa utamu. Chiku anaanza kumkatia kiuno.

BABA MWENYE NYUMBA - Chiku, usiende haraka hivyo, nina matatizo ya mgongo, ila wawe ni mtamu kweli kweli.

Chiku- Siku zote niko hapa, wewe ndo hujataka kuonja.

Mzee anapampu kwa kasi, utamu unamkolea, anaanza kuja, ana hema kwa nguvu mwisho anakuwa kama ana cheka cheka.

Chiku - Njoo, njoo mpenzi wangu....tamuuuuu unaipa utamuuuu

Mzee anamaliza kuja na kuanguka kifuani mwa Chiku huko anatafuta pumzi.
Chiku - Mzee vipi, mzima?

BABA MWENYE NYUMBA- Chiku, mwezi huu, nitakusamehe kodi!

CHIKU-Asante Mzee.

BABA MWENYE NYUMBA-Tafadhali, naomba usimwambie mtu yeyote, tumefanya nini. Usimwambie Mama Joni, unasikia!

CHIKU-Sawa Mzee, siri yetu.

BABA MWENYE NYUMBA-Mama yangu, nimefanya nini????!!!

Mzee anaondoka. Chiku anabakia kucheka.
CHIKU-Karibu tena mwezi ujao.

Zuhura-mneni: About us

Zuhura-mneni: About us: We are a group that is determined and ready to tell the truth concerning everything whatever the cost. We also encourage anyone reading this...

THE HAGUE

What is this holabaloo about the Hague trial? Why our country be portrayed to be a failed state and be aired to the whole world? Surely, we can do better. In future we want to try our own people.